The Pain of Losing You

We met at work.

If I had worked elsewhere...anywhere
other than the place you were,
this road I walk would be a different road.

This heart would never
have skipped so many beats
or mourned with so much grief.

These arms would never
have wrapped around
three beautiful children.

I would never have felt unbridled passion
or swam in the deep blue of your eyes.

I would never have been forced to endure
your rants
or listen to your delusions.

I would never have been forced to say goodbye.

You might still be here
had I worked elsewhere.

Perfect love might have found you,
rescued you from your demons,
stayed with you despite your pain.

My life would be different.
Nothing would be the same.

A Single Rose

I never knew a single rose

Could touch my heart

In such a way

As the rose you gave to me.

It welled up within  me

A sense of being loved

Because you saw in me a beauty

That other loves could never see.

You cared enough to think of me

When the others never cared.

You brought me something sweet

When the others never dared.

I will never forget that moment,

I was first in your heart that day;

The day you gave me a single rose,

You stole my heart away.

             Cheryl A. Williams, 1996

Healing Tears

 You fall in torrents

and I am washed away

by all that was,

that is,

and all that will be;

This cleansing

heals, yet pains me

to my deepest core,

and even though I feel

as if I am going to drown,

I know the sun is coming.

The Master's Touch

Fragmented heart...

a jigsaw puzzle

yet to be completed,

a work of art

waiting for the perfect brushstroke,

a symphony

waiting for the perfect orchestration,

a poem

waiting for the perfect rhyme,

an empty shell

waiting for the Master's touch.

Always With Me

 I shed my skin

one layer at a time,
dry flakes falling
into teary puddles
on the barren floor.
My reflection
stares up at me,
and I don't recognize
the woman there.
Years have vanished
and child-like eyes
filled with wonder
wipe away mascara
as it slowly runs
down my cheek.
Somewhere in this
living vessel,
God speaks to me
of life and hope,
and somehow I know
that if I cry enough,
these tears
will carry me awa
to a better place.
Sometimes
in the midst of great pain,
there is God,
working to bring change
into a life that has
squandered precious moments.
I stare into the reflection,
and smile through my tears.
Filled with light and grace,
I know that God is with me.
He always has been
and He always will be...

even in my darkest hours.

Such a Pretty Face

Such a pretty face
God, how I despised hearing that!
You'd be a pretty girl if...
if...if...if...

What made people think
they could say such things
to a little girl?


I never felt good enough,
smart enough, pretty enough.
No wonder I wanted
to be someone else,
hide in my own little world,
never share who I was.

Today I see teenage girls
trying to fit in
by being who they aren't;
Make-up and belly rings,
oozing sexuality
when they don't
even know what it is.

You can have me
they shout to every boy.
Then I'll be special,
know I'm loved,
know I'm pretty,
know I''m worthy
 and wanted


They starve to be thin,
or keep their heads
in  a toilet
when nobody is looking.
They stare in the mirror
with gaunt, unhappy faces
and wonder why
they still feel alone.

How I wish
I could wrap my arms around them,
tell them they're special and beautiful
just as they are,
that they don't need a boy
to be valuable;
How I wish I could make them see
the beauty that lies within
just waiting to be set free,
like a butterfly.

                                                 Photo by Cheryl A. Williams, 2013

God is Bigger than the Box We Put Him In

I see God a bit differently than some see Him, and although many would disagree, this is how God has presented Himself to me time and time again.  He is so much bigger than any of our notions about Him allow us to perceive.  What we see, comprehend and experience is only a tiny fraction of who He is.

God is merciful.  We say this but don't always really think about HOW merciful God is.  he is so merciful that He sees into the deepest parts of who we are, and He understands why those parts are there.  He sees our greatest weaknesses, and remains with us as we try to get the courage to trust Him to give us the strength to overcome.  Whatever we have suffered...whether it be abuse, trauma, ridicule, molestation, loss, pain....God understands. He does not sit on His throne and pass judgment on us when we act out as a result of the deep wounds that we have experienced.

God is patient. He loves us through our pain. He loves us through our mistakes. He loves us even when we try to push Him far away.  God, if He so chooses, could instantly zap away our pain...but that isn't usually the case. God comes into our pain and shows us how He can bring light into the darkness.

There have been so many instances in my life where God has actually entered into my darkest places to remind me that He is still there, watching over me. Some may wonder how I know it was God. All I can say is that there was no other explanation.  I have ventured into some scary places in my lifetime...places that could have been very dangerous. Even in those situations, God brought people to me to help me when they could have easily hurt me. God has spoken to me through people who most Christians would pay little attention to, due to their lifestyle.

God has opened doors when I have been ready to just give up. God has brought people into my life who I have needed at just the right time.  He has never rushed me to see His way.  He has waited patiently until I was ready to see His way.

God is love.

God brought an angel to me once, and I have no doubt that this is who the person was. He didn't have wings. He didn't wear a halo. He was in the grocery story. I was in the dairy aisle, and a complete stranger walked up to me and said, "Cheryl?"

I looked at him, wondering how he knew my name. I said, "Yes? Do I know you?"

He just smiled kindly and said, "God has a special message for you. Do you know someone named Shirley?"

My heart began pounding out of my chest. Shirley was my mother's name, and she had recently passed away in another county a couple of hundred miles away.  I had been so filled with grief over my loss, and also in wondering if she was at peace. I whispered, "Yes...I know a Shirley."

The man smiled and said, "God said to let you know that she is fine and at peace."

Tears came into my eyes. He then said, "God also wants you to know that He has a very special plan for your life."

And that was it. I was speechless, and knew that this man and the message he brought with him was from God.  I thanked him, and he said "God bless you" before walking away. As soon as he turned the corner into the next aisle, I ran to see if he was there. He wasn't. I searched the store and the check-out aisles. He was gone...just as quickly as he had appeared.

I'm not someone who imagines things. I've very level-headed. There was no way this stranger could know my name, my mother's name or the anxiety I had been feeling. It was God at work again in my life, watching out for me.

Let me urge you to widen your ideas about God and who He is. We so often try and put Him in a box, wrapped with a narrow vision of who He really is.  Remember that He is the God who loved you enough to come down from Heaven in human form.  He has felt your pain, your humanity, your suffering.  He did not choose to be born in lavish surroundings.  He chose to be born in a dirty stable surrounded by dirty, smelly farm animals. The Maker of the Universe, the King of Kings was born in the humblest of places.

You can never fall too low for God. His arms can reach into the lowest, darkest places and lovingly pull you back up.

You can never be too broken for God. He can heal whatever is causing you pain.

Trust and believe in His loving mercy. It is always there.  He came as a babe but He is the ultimate loving Father.  His love never ends.